Recently, a friend from high school reached out to me. She is experiencing one of the most unsettling situations I feel humans go through, Should I do it?. Should I move to a new country? should I sign up for that iron man? should I apply for that program? If you don’t want too its obvious. If someone asked me if I wanted to eat olives, I wouldn’t think twice, no, I hate olives, but if you have to think about it, chances are a part of you wants too. If the slightest bit of you wants to do it, go for it.
Last year I became fixated on trying to answer this question, that I became depressed and anxious, for two months. Did I REALLY want to go? I already had my crazy adventure of moving out west for three months last year. I was content here. I had great friends, loving family, supportive boyfriend. I knew the trails I wanted to hike on nice days, bars I had fun at on a Friday night, and favourite places to eat my cheat meals after hard weeks of training. I looked forward to the normalcy of watching the Leafs game with my boyfriend on a Saturday night. I also knew one thing I realised I’m not good with is settling for just being “content”.
Even though I had taken a huge step by moving to Lake Louise the previous summer. The thought of going to Italy excited me, but at the same time terrified me. I thought this was a sign, that I didn’t want to do it, but why couldn’t I stop thinking about it then. This is what lead to two months of many of many tear filled nights.
I realised my own fears were imprisoning me. Why wouldn’t I want to eat the best pasta in the world? Spend my days hiking through beautiful villages and swimming in the ocean, Learning about the world famous ancient roman ruins, and meeting amazing people, I was scared. I was scared my anxiety would get really bad, my boyfriend wouldn’t want to deal with me leaving again, scared my plane would crash, scared of getting lost, scared that I would gain weight and be out of shape for my soccer season, and scared I wouldn’t like it.
The truth is any of those can happen, but you weigh out your risks and what is truly important to you. If you ask me, these risks are little compared to the reward, and necessary to become the person you want to be, and have the life you want.